Eating out with very young children can be a frantic rather than fun experience. Particularly if your child gets easily overwhelmed or over-excited. Listen in as four experienced therapists chat about how to make taking your toddler to a cafe or restaurant be less stressful and more enjoyable for the whole family. Get tips on how to help your child be prepared for the experience. Learn how a stomping walk beforehand can help your child sit for longer later. What should you look for when choosing a child-friendly restaurant -  and we don’t just mean the menu. This episode of Sensory Chat is aimed at parents but will also be useful for teachers and professionals.

TRANSCRIPT

Lelanie 00:31

Hello, welcome to Sensory Chat. My name is Lelanie. I'm an Occupational Therapist and an Advanced Practitioner in Sensory Integration. I'm calling in from Germany.

Amy 00:43

Hi, I'm Amy. I'm a speech and language therapist and also an Advanced Practitioner in Sensory Integration and I'm calling in from Salisbury in Southwest England.

Angela 00:54

Hi everyone, my name is Angela. I am an Occupational Therapist and an Advanced Sensory Integration Practitioner, and I'm calling from Melbourne, Australia.

Emma 01:06

And good morning from me, I'm Emma Snowdon and I am a Physiotherapist and I'm also an Advanced Sensory Integration Practitioner. And I'm calling in from Warwickshire.

Lelanie 01:19

In today's podcast, we're going to be talking about eating out. In an earlier podcast, at the side, we were talking about difficulties from a sensory perspective, that you might see with toddlers eating and feeding at home. This podcast is for parents, but would also be useful for teachers and healthcare professionals.

Amy 01:44

Right, so we were thinking really about what happens when you're going out with your little one to a restaurant, I guess that could be like a fast food restaurant, like a pizza place or a burger joint, or it could be like a, sort of a more formal restaurant, particularly if you're thinking about a restaurant where you're going out for a special occasion. So there's quite a lot of excitement and up involved in going into the restaurant. So I'm just wondering, from each of your perspectives, if parents are thinking about, maybe even dreading going to a restaurant with their little one, from a sensory perspective, what kinds of things should they just have in the back of their mind that they should be thinking about? Angela, would you like to kick us off?

Angela 02:34

So, I think when we're thinking about taking our little ones to a place to eat, you know, it's all going to be very new. You know, this may be the very first time they've ever been to a place like pizza hut, and so I think if parents can begin to kind of have some conversations around, you know, what the place might look like, what sorts of things they might see in there, you know, what are the people, you know, that there'll be waiters and waitresses, and so it's about preparation. Really. It's about helping our little ones to begin to, understand what to expect. So that would be a good kind of starting point to start kind of talking about it, you know, with their child.

Amy 03:24

Yeah, I agree. I think that predictability is very helpful and definitely, you might be thinking about kind of how you can bring in some of the aspects into play. So for example, the idea of having to choose food off a menu is not, I mean, in my home, maybe it's different than your home, but seldom do we have menu choices in my home. So that whole idea of actually there being a choice of foods, that's a new concept, that's a new thing, but that's something that's very easy to play when you're playing, you know, games, games with your child.

Emma, what do you think?

Emma 04:01

Yeah, I think the thing is the same meetings to think about isn't there, because like you say, it's a whole new experience. And I suppose specifically thinking about, the environment as well. I think we've got to consider all of those extra sensory things that we wouldn't necessarily have at home. So, you know, the noise, that's going to be very different in different places, isn't it. You know, in terms of how echoey it is and how many people are there, but there's other sensory challenges, including the smells, you know, having to sit still, thinking about sitting still, waiting, all those things that can be a real challenge for a two year old in general, but particularly for a two year old with sensory challenges, that could be difficult. So yeah, there's many things, is there an element we want to particularly discuss here?

Amy 04:57

I'd love to pick up on that idea of waiting, so I know that. Yeah. So as Ayre's Sensory Integration Practitioners, you know, we think a lot, we talk a lot about the development of executive functions. So those are those higher level skills. And one of those is being able to sort of, inhibit impulses and to kind of wait and to attend those kinds of things. So, you know, let's, let's give people the benefits of what we know. So, Lelanie, would you have a sense of kind of what's typical at two in terms of being able to attend, being able to wait?

Lelanie 05:34

I think a two it's very difficult because you, it's all about instant gratification. I want it now, in fact, I wanted it yesterday. So I think one of the things that we have to be mindful of is actually having things to do for children. I love the idea of colouring books and crayons or something to do. But I'm also aware for families that this can be really challenging if their child's actually not happy with the activities on offer. So a tip that I would have is taking something with you that your child enjoys doing, something that's low maintenance that, wouldn't cause problems. For example, taking a toy that can keep falling on the floor could be more stressful than it's worth. So something like a sticker book, or that's a nice activity for two year old and it's quiet and easy.

Or a favorite toy that they enjoy playing with, or even a tablet or electronic toy, as we said in an earlier podcast, everything in moderation and sometimes, there's no judgment from us. You have to do what's needed sometimes. So I wouldn't expect a two year old to sit in a formal setting and think, oh, this is amazing, I'm going to wait 20 minutes for my food and be happy. So I think you're setting up yourself a failure if you definitely think that's going to happen. So yes, definitely prepare.

Amy 07:08

Yeah, I'm definitely from thinking back to my speech therapy training, you know, the shorthand they teach you about attention is, you know, you can reliably expect one minute attention at one, two minute's attention at two, three minute's attention at three. So if you've got essentially you're working on two minutes, attention span, you, you might be looking at what little short activities can we keep rotating through rather than pulling out the rucksack with a hundred different kinds of activities in it. So short things that you can play over and over again, hand games, you know, like, you know what I mean by hand rhymes is, I'm sure, you know, I remember my grandad and probably your grandad too, pretending to pull the top off his thumb, you know, or pretending to take your nose, those kinds of games that are short engagement, interaction games. Those would be useful to have. So, sort of thinking more now, going back to that sense of kind of executive function, inhibiting impulse, being able to attend, attending to, being able to wait.

Angela, have you got more thoughts that you'd like to add to that?

Angela 08:16

Yeah, just listening to you talk, got me thinking about other kind of regulating tools that we could use while we're waiting. And I was thinking about, you know, having, straws to drink through, or, you know, sipper cups, so that deep pressure touch, you know, that we received through, through sucking, and the proprioception that active muscle work, that's required, you know, would be something to think about. And also, that, you know, the sensory preparation that we could perhaps do prior to going to the restaurant, and that might look like, you know, 10, 15 minutes of jumping on the trampoline, prior to arriving and, you know, the idea is that this should really sort of help to settle their, their little bodies, and hopefully set them up for a little bit more success with sitting.

Amy 09:18

What about you, Emma, do you have thoughts that you would want to.?

Emma 09:23

Yeah, I think the preparation is a really good idea. In preparation for the whole experience is a really good idea, but we, I think we sometimes forget that we can prepare the child's body for having to sit for a little bit longer. So like you said, trampolining or just going for a good walk. One of my favorite things, especially with two year olds, which is great fun is doing stomping walks and different walks. They're really getting a lot of that joint compression through stomping. And so we can really down-regulate that nervous energy and prepare them to be able to sit for longer. So, as we know that the proprioception stays in the body for a while and we get a longer effect from it, so that, it's always worth considering that. And I think I can imagine in a situation where you're going out for a special meal is probably quite hectic. So again, this is where that preparation comes in. To be able to plan actually, before we go for this, we can go for a little walk in the park or something. Just so, the child's going to cope with it a lot better, and that will also cope with any sort of, it will help the child cope with any over responsivities they've got to noise and things like that as well.

Amy 10:32

I think it might be worth to, sort of just flagging up as well, that, sort of traditionally, people might think of, going for a walk or having a run around a sort of burning off energy. And when we're talking about this as kind of sensory preparation, what we're talking about is doing something slightly different. So we know as sensory integration practitioners that the children and adults to using their muscles and joints, the feedback that that gives to your brain helps your brain to organize and get calm.

So it's not so much kind of burning off a bit of energy or anything like that. It's much more about there's a, there's a physiological process that happens if you move your muscles, that just allows your brain and your nervous system to be a bit calmer, a bit more organized, a bit more coordinated and together.

Emma 11:26

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah.

Lelanie 11:29

The other thing to think about as well in terms of preparation is just checking on seating and cutlery, for example, because in our earlier episode, we talked about having chairs at the right level and how that posture can influence children's eating. A lot of restaurants have high chairs, but if you're unsure, it is worth calling ahead during busy times as well, festive season to make sure that you can actually get a chair or any other busy time. And if you are not sure that they would have child size cutlery, it's just worth taking your own. The restaurants are great at Kiddies meals. But one thing that I found is they'r not so good with making sure the drinking cups and the cutlery are appropriate for a two year old. And that could cause some problems in itself.

Emma 12:21

Yeah. I think that also leads to the, the sort of looking at what type of restaurant that you choose to go to as well, you know, there's a lot of, sort of help yourself kind of restaurants. So if you've got a child that really struggles with that waiting, then that's something that, maybe more appropriate for your family. One of these restaurants where you can just go and help yourself to buffet-style thing. But then you've got those more traditional restaurants where you may potentially be having to wait a while. So I know for some people, if it's a big celebration, that's going to be dictated to you by other people. But for parents just to have that conversation about whether or not it's going to be appropriate, because, you know, we need to be moving away, as a family we have to meet everybody's needs, but that also means the child. And actually sometimes it may not be appropriate for that two year old to be going to a posh restaurant late at night where they have to wait because it's, it's not fair. You know, a two year old isn't neurologically able to cope with that very well. We may then wonder why they're having a, you know, meltdown when they just can't cope with it.

Amy 13:35

I think that's leading something that I'm sure we'll talk about a lot. And that is, you know, if you're supporting a child, any child who has sensory difficulties, sensory challenges finds environments really hard to cope with, that part of what they need from you as their parent, is for you to help them advocate for themselves. So to help, to explain to the other people in the family, why this just isn't going to happen, to explain that you're not being naughty, you're not misbehaving, you're just trying your best to cope with what you're experiencing.

But that puts parents in quite a tough place. You know, that nobody trains you to be an advocate for your child. Nobody trains you to have to explain to your mum why it looks like your child is wriggling round and things like that. Does anyone have anything that they would want to add? Lelanie.

Lelanie 14:30

What you're saying, just reminded me of a funny, personal story. When my daughter was exactly two years old, I got told off at a restaurant in front of tower bridge, that my daughter was jumping up and down and causing the other customers to be annoyed. A very well behaved child normally. What was happening in the background though, is the tower bridge was lifting up and a boat was coming through and there was a lot coming on. And I actually thought to myself that is a lot to process. This is an extraordinary event to see a bridge lift up that you've never heard of and see a big boat. And I just thought different circumstances, I thought people could have been a bit more forgiving and I, and I just think that's an extreme example. The stimulation is just so much greater in a new environment. Children will, a different type of light, new pictures on the walls, the layout of a new place, there's so much to process. So I definitely think that we need to take that into account and for anyone going on holiday and seeing new places and restaurants, I think, you know, have to apologize to people, but actually I would never blame a two year old for getting excited about seeing new things.

Angela 15:56

I am just thinking that sounds like a very appropriate response. And I'd also get excited by seeing those big gates lift up a boat come through.

Amy 16:04

So I think it's sort of where, this is sort of where we're coming to the end of our time already. Gosh, time flies. But I think this is where this is leading us and maybe something that we'll pick up on again, or perhaps something that, you know, people listening to the podcast might want to contribute to or to ask us about it. And that's kind of, as a parent, as a parent of a child with some sensory difficulties, what should you be doing? How do you, how do you frame what's happening to other people? What language could you use to describe what's happening? So I know, sort of not putting people on the spot, do people have kind of phrases that they find helpful, for parents to use, to describe what's happening?

Emma 16:50

I think one of the key thing there is for parents to feel confident in the fact that they know their child. Because we all get told lots of advice and your child shouldn't be doing this and your child shouldn't be doing that. But actually, most people are coming at it from a sort of neurotypical kind of perspective. So for, for parents of children that have got sensory difficulties, or other issues, it's really feeling confident in your knowledge that, you know your child best. And to help with that, that is really important that the parent is regulated themselves so they can stay calm in the face of any issues that might come. So I think it's really important that parents are really confident about their knowledge that they know that child best, and that they look after themselves as well. And so when we go back to that preparation bit about comparing your child, you know, think of yourself as well, you know, because as corny as it sounds, I always say this, you know, the whole thing that you can't pour from an empty cup, it's corny, but it's absolutely true. As a parent of a two year old, you are still very much responsible for their regulation and you can't do that if you're not regulated yourself. So, so just to look after yourself, and be confident that you know, your child best and don't be swayed by ignorance of other people, because it's not going to help you or your child.

Amy 18:14

Just to wrap up, thank you so much, everybody, look forward to speaking to you again soon on Sensory Chat.

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