One long stream of consciousness in honour of lying down and letting whatever peace surrounds me, surround me.

In this episode I moan a fair bit whilst pondering whether it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have matched on tinder at all. Fear not though, it’s not all bad: at the end I stop moaning.

In this episode I wax lyrical (what does that mean?) on all manner of crap. This is the first episode I’ve recorded on-the-go and to be honest, it shows. Here and there I have moments of brilliance and lucidity that quite frankly border on the acceptable. As always please give your feedback via nonapatillbedtime@outlook.com and if it’s positive / gushing praise I’ll read it out.

If like me you could only manage three and half minutes of the coronation before reaching for the emergency sherry then you're in good company. Here I answer the question on everyone's lips - 'is King Prince Charles genetically closer to a lizard or a cucumber?' Once that's been answered (and trust me, it isn't) I swerve into some ramblings on the value of kindness at the end of a relationship. Sure, you know a lot of things that could hurt you ex-partner but do you really need to say them on your way out the door?

Ever had that moment when you realise the barmaid isn't just smiling at you because she's paid to? Maybe she really likes you and you want to brave enough to ask her what time she knocks off? Well, here's how I deal with that situation with 100% repeatable results. Also, I rant a bit about people's attitude towards electronically enhanced companions - and their knockers!

What better way to start the new year than with a run to the shops? Ideally sans a panic attack. Here I mostly chat about things I didn't realise I was bad at primarily because of hangovers.

Final episode of season 1: Everyone knows they can be their own worst critic - but does that mean cruellest or simply the least capable of judging? I muse about my musical progress and why it took me so long to understand that I was, and probably still am, my biggest hurdle.

Six weeks of sobriety and I am slowly coming to terms with the fact that I have no idea what to do with my spare time. In other news I use some time up reminiscing about the pornography of my youth.

That tricky fourth episode. You might not think sex robots are a big issue in your future, but I disagree. I believe they will change our civilisation more than any other single technological development in the next 20 years, and unlike last century's big deal - the microwave - you're meant to put your willy in them.

Is there anything more divisive in this world than a firework? Let's see who's put a rocket up who this 5th November. In other news it seems like it's still fair game to keep women down in historical drama where many other oppressed groups get off lightly.

It's easy to say everyone has anxiety these days, and to scoff about that whilst feeling anxious. I don't really believe we are all making up these feelings. In this episode I ramble on about what the cause of at least some of the anxiety might be. I also mention Radio 4 and TikTok which would suggest that I am pretty much up-to-speed on matters current.

After drinking heavily for around 30 years I increasingly believe that it's something I should stop. Recorded here are some (hopefully amusing) musings on sobriety at around 16 days sober. You can read similar nonsense on my blog. I'm not saying you should quit, just that I probably should and if you want to know a bit about how that feels for me right now, then scooch on over and I'll tell you.

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