Paul Kachoris: Navigating life's transitions as a man

The Mandate

15-03-2021 • 55 mins

I'm joined by Dr. Paul J. Kachoris, MD. Paul has been a psychiatrist for over 50 years working with children, adolescents and adults and still runs a private psychiatric practice. Since 1990 he has been involved with men's work co-leading men's weekend retreats with Victories of the Heart. His professional interests are men's studies and retreats, neuroscience, humanities and writing poetry. Paul is a father of two sons and one daughter and a grandfather of 5 grandsons and 4 granddaughters.

In this episode we're going to tackle how we develop as men and specifically, what tasks do we need to experience and navigate as we get older. This know as the male developmental schema. We'll focus a bit more on the "mid life passage" that occurs between 35-50, when we tend to go through different mid-life crises. This show will provide an overview of what emotional needs men have and need to fulfill. Here are a few of the topics we covered:

  • What is Victories of the Heart and why did it change his life
  • How fear got in the way of Paul having deeper connection
  • What happened after his first men's retreat
  • How men's work helped him become a better psychiatrist and therapist
  • What has happened with men's movements over the last 30-40 years
  • How culture and media program archetypes of men into us
  • How traditional views of masculinity have created isolation and loneliness
  • Why shame slowed the men's movement
  • The tyranny of the playground
  • What is the male developmental schema?
  • How Paul developed his own schema based on the work of several authors and researchers
  • What is the midlife passage that happens between 35-50?
  • What are some of the triggers that cause men to seek help?
  • How Paul navigated his midlife passage
  • Do we have to wait for a crisis to wakeup and change?
  • The warrior, the lover, the magician, and the king archetypes
  • How the archetypes show up in everyday life and how they've changed for Paul over time
  • Why we have to take care of what's between our ears

Mentioned on the show

Victories of the Heart

Iron John by Robert Bly

ManKind Project

Robert Moore - King, Warrior, Magician, Lover

Carl Jung

Erik Erikson - Childhood and Society

George E. Vaillant - Triumphs of Experience - The Men of the Harvard Grant Study

The Seasons of a Man's Life by Daniel J. Levinson

The Midlife Passage by James Hollis

############# Show Notes #############

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