What's Your Twenty

In this real and unfiltered episode of "What's Your Twenty?", we dive deep into the untold stories of first responders - the paramedics, firefighters, police officers, correctional officers, and dispatchers who face trauma daily to save lives. These women and men often suffer in silence, grappling with mental injuries, PTSD, and PTSI, while feeling immense pressure to appear strong and invincible. There is a harsh reality that their bravery and stoicism make it incredibly difficult for them to express vulnerability and admit they need help. The stigma around mental health in high-stress professions contributes to this silence, as does the fear of being judged or deemed unfit for duty. First responders may struggle with sleep disturbances, pervasive fear, and a desperate need for inclusion, yet they often isolate themselves, fearing rejection and the immense effort it takes to engage socially. They also face deep uncertainties about their ability to return to who they once were, compounded by self-doubt and the fear of external judgment. The episode highlights the guilt and shame first responders feel about their roles as parents, partners, and friends. They often internalize relationship issues and avoid addressing them head-on, fearing they will only make things worse. Perhaps most alarmingly, they may harbour thoughts of suicide, genuinely believing that their absence might make life easier for their loved ones. But the truth is, their presence is invaluable. Their absence would leave a devastating void in the lives of those who love them. Addressing mental health head-on is an act of incredible strength and courage. Join us as we advocate for a culture where first responders can speak up about their struggles and seek the support they need. Their mental health is just as crucial as their physical health, and it's time we all treated it that way. Your well-being matters, and we're here to help you find your path to healing.

In this episode, Emily delves into the transformative power of curiosity and hope through the personal journey of healing and growth. The focus is on the pivotal role of curiosity as a sign of recovery, inspired by the insightful words of a therapist, Roberta, who played a crucial role in Emily's healing process. She explores how becoming curious about her future and possibilities, signalled a shift towards wellness - reflecting on her journey, from questioning her capacity for happiness to aspiring to leave behind a life filled with struggles and suicidal thoughts. This episode emphasizes the importance of aligning external circumstances with internal awareness and viewing breakdowns as breakthroughs. Listeners are encouraged to move beyond comfort zones, embrace gradual transformation, and validate themselves from within. The episode highlights the inevitability of setbacks and the strength gained from outgrowing old lives and embracing the desire for more - more wellness, emotional management, and authenticity. Emily discusses the necessity of active participation in personal growth, starting with small, consistent actions that lead to significant breakthroughs over time. The episode also provides practical tips on starting small, utilizing available resources, and maintaining a vision of a healthier self. Ultimately, this episode is about choosing moments that matter, acknowledging the journey of trials and errors, and nurturing changes that prioritize well-being. It's a powerful reminder that healing and growth begin with the willingness to embrace change and take that first step.

In this episode, I am honored to welcome Ginette Petitpas Taylor, Canada’s Minister of Veterans Affairs and Associate Minister of National Defence. With a career that spans from social work to her current role, Minister Petitpas Taylor brings a deeply empathetic and dedicated perspective to her work. She reflects on her early career as a social worker and her time with the RCMP - experiences that shaped her approach to public service that led her to public office and advocacy for veterans. Our discussion delves into her appointment as Minister of Veterans Affairs and the profound sense of responsibility it carries. Minister Petitpas Taylor shares her experiences with cold calling World War II veterans, and offering a glimpse into the importance of those conversations. We also explore the various ways Canada commemorates its veterans, including the significance of the 80th anniversary of D-Day, and how these commemorations honour the bravery and sacrifices of our servicemen and women. The conversation shifts to the modern-day veteran and the evolving needs of those who have served. Minister Petitpas Taylor addresses the controversial "Purge" and its impact on veteran services, providing insight into the ongoing efforts to support veterans effectively. Additionally, she highlights the challenges faced by veterans dealing with brain injuries and the effects on their mental health, underscoring the necessity of comprehensive support and services. Join us for this discussion as Minister Ginette Petitpas Taylor sheds light on her commitment to improving veteran services and the meaningful work being done to ensure that those who have served our country receive the recognition and support they deserve.

In Part II, this heartfelt episode, Jodie Baulkham, author of Choosing My Tomorrow, delves into the profound challenges and triumphs she and her husband, RCMP Staff Sergeant, Brent Baulkham, face. Brent's struggle with PTSD takes centre stage, highlighting the impact of mental health on their lives. Amidst this, Jodie receives a life-altering diagnosis of breast cancer, leading to a double mastectomy. Despite these overwhelming adversities, Jodie shares her journey of resilience and determination. She emphasizes the importance of choosing "what's next" rather than dwelling on "why" these events occurred. Through her story, listeners will discover how Jodie finds joy and gratitude in everyday moments, even in the face of immense hardship. This episode is a testament to the power of choice and the human spirit's capacity to find light in the darkest times. Join us as Jodie Baulkham inspires us to navigate life's challenges with grace, strength, and unwavering hope.

In Part I, I sit down with Jodie Baulkham, the author of Choosing My Tomorrow: Surviving Murder, Navigating Mental Health, and Harnessing the Power of Choice. Jodie shares the harrowing story of the night her life changed forever. At just 29 years old, she was at home with her 8-month-old daughter when she received a knock at the door - her husband, RCMP officer Chris Worden, couldn't be found. In the early hours, it would be revealed that Chris had been murdered in the line of duty. Jodie opens up about the immediate aftermath of the tragedy, describing the balance of immense loss, grief and and sharing the death of her husband with Canada, all the while caring for her infant daughter on her own. Through her candid and heartfelt narrative, Jodie provides listeners with a raw and honest look at her journey from loss to resilience. She discusses how she found the strength to move forward, the support systems that helped her, and the importance of choosing hope and joy even in the darkest times. Join us as we explore Jodie's powerful story of loss, love, and the enduring human spirit. This episode is a testament to the strength and resilience that can emerge from unimaginable tragedy.

In this powerful part II episode with Mark Bouchard, the author of Setting My Sights on Stigma, we discuss mental health, stigma, and cultural growth in law enforcement organizations. Mark’s experience as a first responder informs our conversation about stigma within critical roles, the emotional toll, and the importance of mental health support for those on the front lines. Mark’s advocacy work emphasizes that speaking openly about mental health reaches more people and how collective conversations can shift societal attitudes. There is a lack of culture that encourages open dialogue around mental health. Mark highlights the need for safe spaces where people can share their struggles without fear of judgment, emphasizing the importance of those who break the silence as they cultivate a safe space. In a space of safety, a historical suicide attempt is revealed, allowing us to explore the impact of disclosure on personal healing and community understanding. Mark provides an educational take on suicide prevention, emphasizing awareness and early intervention. We explore passive suicide (such as neglecting self-care) and its impact, and how self-stigmatization can inadvertently spread to others.

In this thought-provoking Part 1 episode, I sit down with Mark Bouchard, a seasoned ERT/SWAT Medic with over 15 years of frontline experience in law enforcement. Mark shares his insights on tactical operations, critical medical support, and the challenges faced by first responders. Our conversation delves deeper into crucial aspects of mental health within the law enforcement community. Needing to create a safe space, Mark emphasizes the importance of fostering an atmosphere where officers feel comfortable discussing their struggles and experiences. We explore the need for personalized crisis plans for officers when they are the ones in crisis, and how strategies for building trust with officers who are off duty are essential. Mark addresses public perception as he sheds light on the vilification of police and the challenges officers face when charged with offenses. Educating the public about policing and use of force is crucial. Join us as we explore these critical topics and work toward a healthier, more supportive law enforcement community.

We don't need to wear a uniform to experience trauma. We're picking up with drive-by shooting survivor and founder of Hit The Ground Running, Brandon Peacock. Part II is the continuation of Brandon's recovery and mission to help other trauma survivors to not simply recover, but thrive. If you take intelligence, resilience, kindness, genuineness, authenticity, ambition, athleticism and survivorship - wrap them all up into a complete package - you'll have Brandon Peacock. Just being in the presence of someone of this calibre, I became a better person. At Such a young age, the deep conversations, vulnerability and impact that he is having on this world and the people in it not only shows that they are not alone, but he also exemplifies capacity, ability, and brings hope and the belief that recovery is possible for all of us.

Drive-by shooting survivor, Brandon Peacock is an incredible human whose resilience and determination have turned a personal tragedy into a beacon of hope for many. On a fateful summer evening in 2020, Brandon's life was forever altered when he became the unintended victim of a drive-by shooting. Shot three times, a bullet that hit his femoral artery could have ended his life, but instead, it marked the beginning of a new chapter. Brandon founded the charity Hit The Ground Running, an organization dedicated to supporting trauma survivors, helping them to reach their new 100%. The charity stands as a pillar of support, providing the tools and guidance necessary for trauma survivors to rebuild their lives and thrive. Brandon's story is one of triumph over adversity, and his charity is a reflection of his commitment to giving back and aiding others in their darkest hours. If the future is in the hands of people like him, I have hope. Through his actions, Brandon Peacock exemplifies the power of human spirit and the impact one person can have on the world.

Healing and mental health management does not have a one size fits all. In the ongoing quest to offer the most effective tools for managing mental health challenges, the conversation around medicinal marijuana consistently emerges. This podcast embarks on a journey to understand the therapeutic potential of cannabis, particularly in the context of those who have served in the military. While I'm not endorsing or advocating for the use of marijuana, I can't exclude it as it is imperative to remain open to treatment options and treat the subject with respect as it applies to the evolution of medical research and holistic healing. I invited this week's guests Corey Paris, Director of Veteran Relations, and Scott Atkinson, 25 year Canadian Armed Forces Vet and Veteran Ambassador, both of CannaConnect to shed light on the experience of veterans who advocate for medicinal marijuana as a catalyst for healing. This episode serves as an invitation to explore, educate, and engage in a dialogue about the possibilities that medicinal marijuana may hold for the mental and physical well-being of the men and women who serve our country.

Exploring the latest in brain health and trauma, Ryan Carey is a retired Captain of the Canadian Armed Forces and a passionate advocate for veterans' well-being. Not only did Ryan serve in the CAF, but he also played professional football in the Canadian Football League. Intimately knowing the connection between sport and military concussions and head injuries, he was thrown into the world of chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), a degenerative brain disease caused by repeated brain trauma. After retiring from the military, Ryan joined Project Enlist Canada, a research initiative that aims to accelerate critical research on traumatic brain injury (TBI), CTE, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) in military veterans. Ryan has pledged to donate his brain to Project Enlist Canada, hoping to contribute to the advancement of science and the improvement of the lives of those affected by brain trauma. He also raises awareness and educates others about the signs, symptoms, and treatments of CTE and related disorders. In addition, Ryan is the founder of Operation Brain Health, a program (and soon-to-be app) that helps veterans develop healthier habits. The program provides tools and guidance for exercising regularly, eating well, sleeping better, as well as peer support and social integration. Operation Brain Health is part of Ryan's mission to help veterans feel better and cope with the challenges of brain injury and their symptoms. Special thanks to Brendan Hynes and his coffee company, Your Daily Fix, for sponsoring this episode. Brendan is a member of the Canadian Armed Forces as well as a proud Ambassador of Project Enlist.

Part II of II The Silver Cop Robin Ferrie of the Ottawa Police Service and I pick up on the day he found himself immersed in chaos at the National War Memorial on the day that Corporal Nathan Cirillo was gunned down standing sentry at The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. We discuss the infamous photo seen around the world and how Robin found his voice and moved forward in healing and advocacy for others through coaching and P3 Wellness. This episode being dropped on January 9th is dedicated to all lawn enforcement as today is National Law Enforcement Appreciation Day.

Part I of II with The Silver Cop, Robin Ferrie of Ottawa Police Service and I discuss men not speaking up at the risk of being seen as weak, as well as the stigma and institutional betrayal when attempting to seek mental health supports. This episode was recorded on December 29th and is dedicated to Constable Ireneusz "Eric" Czapnik of OPS in honour of his service and sacrifice, as it was the 14th anniversary of his line-of-duty death and murder. We recall the day that Cst. Eric Czapnik lost his life and the roll that Robin took on.

On the heels of multiple First Responders taking their lives, Emily Zufelt takes a walk inside the mind with suicide. On her own recovery journey with PTSD and CPTSD, she dares to say the things that don't get said, out loud. In Emily's first solo episode she attempts to highlight what anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts do to wreak havoc inside the minds of the incredible people who struggle with mental health and live with mental illness.

Guest, critical thinker and speaker, Seb Lavoie reached out as he felt that a social media post was feeding into victim mentality and he wanted to either understand, support, or perhaps, both. What happened next through an abundance of alignment and respect is an enlightened and organic conversation between two people who discuss the importance of taking a 'tactical pause' and how victim mentality is the number one wellness killer. This episode is special in that it is dedicated to two incredible young women: Angela Lee Pucci and her late sister, Victoria lee. They are bound by sisterhood, mma, and suicide. To honour Victoria, Angela launched the mental health not for profit, Fight Story.

The Caring Support Podcast hosts, James Smith and Cali Wiersma invited me on the show to discuss some of the common misconceptions of PTSI/PTSD amongst law enforcement and healthcare professionals. We delve into how departments and organizations can better support their members who are struggling with mental health and the overt challenges and resistance faced by law enforcement personnel when it comes to PTSD.

Marisa Tracey - mother, wife and widow of the late Master Warrant Officer Daniel Tracey, who died by suicide on October 13, 2022 - courageously talks about living with and loving a military man who battled mental health and PTSD until his suicide. Marisa discusses surviving Dan’s suicide and learning how to heal herself and her family. What is the definition of survivorship? Survivorship literally means the act of surviving and the further recognition that there is more to life after the suicide of a loved one than just surviving. A husband, father, friend and colleague - at the age of 46, MWO Daniel Basil Tracey ended his life by suicide. With a military career spanning over 21 years, Dan joined the Canadian Armed Forces (CAF) and the Royal Canadian corps of Signals (RCCS) in 2002 as a Signals Operator. After serving with the 2nd Canadian Mechanized Brigade Group (2 CMBG), as a member of 2 CMBG HQ and Signal Squadron and subsequently of 1st Battalion Royal Canadian Regiment, Dan joined the Canadian Special Operations Forces Command (CANSOFCOM). Dan was an expert in his field, a leader, a mentor, a brother in arms, and a loyal friend. Everyone would say that they didn’t see the signs leading up to Dan taking his life, but looking back, he struggled terribly with mental health and PTSD/PTSI. In the words of his widow, “Dan knew how to save everyone, he just didn’t know how to save himself.”

Jon Archambault - CAF Veteran, mental health advocate and founder of Wired Differently, author of Operation: Wired Differently, podcast host of the Black Sheep Podcast, Leadership Coach and founder of Jon A. Archambault - Elite Consultant, and former police officer. Jon invited me on his podcast to discuss the systemic gaslighting within a police detachment and how a paramilitary approach make it difficult for members to have a voice and advocate for their mental health needs. We discuss what we feel is wrong with the system and current leadership.

*trigger warning - discussion of suicide and traumatic events* Part two of two with Fire Chief Dave Robertson, Fire Service Career Coach, and Deputy Chief of Training with Lambton Shores Fire Rescue. Dave comes home to Canada from Napa to chart his new path all the while experiencing imposter syndrome and having the injury of post traumatic stress tap him on the shoulder to remind him that it's still there. Dave shares his passion for training, coaching, and mentoring new recruits so that they can do and be their best. He carries hope for the future that departments support one another and know that they're not alone and we can make it, together.

*trigger warning - discussion of suicide and traumatic events* Part one of two with Fire Chief Dave Robertson, Fire Service Career Coach, and Deputy Chief of Training with Lambton Shores Fire Rescue. Dave discusses how he 'dropped' into becoming a firefighter, beginning his career in departments with a boys' club mentality, harassment, and lack of support and training. He goes down the path of how post-traumatic stress affects life as a whole and how he danced with suicide, all in hopes that in telling his story he can help others know they're not alone.