And another one! Here’s another one of the dope Black podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months. In this episode, we kick it with KeKe Chanel as we talk about mindset, healing, boundaries, and everything in between. This was such an authentic and transparent conversation about so many of the things that matter most in life. You’re really gonna want to listen to this one all the way through. Real life, love, and everything in between with Keke Chanel And another one! Here’s another one of the dope Black podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months. In this episode, we kick it with KeKe Chanel as we talk about mindset, healing, boundaries, and everything in between. This was such an authentic and transparent conversation about so many of the things that matter most in life. You’re really gonna want to listen to this one all the way through. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR Discussing mindset and personal development [4:59] Becoming the best and highest version of yourself  Doing interpersonal work on self worth and self esteem Give people the opportunity to show up for you and be okay if they don’t  Our relationship with ourselves as the basis for how we show up in the world Our thoughts color how or what shows up in our lives Should I take that personally? [11:34]  Everything is personal but I don’t have to take it personally Setting boundaries  When do you walk away Honest communication Working together to build a team [22:19] Building a team vs a partnership  Showing up as a whole person Building mutual respect and collaboration There is no real leader If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at thelovehaze@gmail.com.  EPISODE QUOTES: “But I think what has worked for us, and our partnership, has been this idea that there is no real leader. Here. I am head of household, you know, by all biblical standards, but I am not the final say in this household.” - Scott Hayes “My grandmother says that one is a whole number. That means that I am whole, he can't complete me. Right? And so I've got to be responsible for my own joy and my own happiness now and peace. And then we together can co create this, you know, life of joy and, and shared happiness and peace and things like that.” - Shate Hayes “For me, there's a part of me that believes that everything is personal. But that I don't have to take it personally. And that can be difficult for people. So what I understand is that everybody is fighting a battle that I don't understand.”  - Scott Hayes CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠⁠⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Here’s another one of the dope Black podcasts we’ve had the pleasure of joining over the past few months. In this episode, we’re sharing our conversation with Dom L’Amour where we talked about how the messages we received as kids that may have kept us stuck, communication, and a number of the other unspoken hazes of life. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR Privilege of Open Communication [6:13] Creating a safe space for your partner to communicate freely  Unlearning negative communication styles from childhood Being able to show up in the world the way you want Understanding our parents were in survival mode and didn’t have this privilege  Healing origin story and the need for change [14:29]  Learning to express wants and desires early Let me do for you but not ask for what I need  Growing as people while in a relationship Learning communication as an adult Breaking your own heart Open communication with children [29:05] The dangers of shielding children from “adult” situations  Safe spaces for children to communicate Exposure to real life/world situations and conversations Being a “woke” adult with “soft, unaware” children Breakthrough and reflection [37:42]  Stuck places from childhood Familial dynamics  Having the desire to be in tune with yourself  Conversations surrounding sex [38:57]  The birds and bees with your parents  Who talked to your about sex for the first time Church purity culture  If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at thelovehaze@gmail.com.  EPISODE QUOTES: “It was, my goodness, you know, it was really tricky for me, or uncomfortable a little bit, sometimes to talk about how I'm deciding to show up in the world is still very different than the way that it was raised. Because I don't want to come off as an insult or anything negative to my family of origin. - Shate Hayes “Okay, so my parents were not communicators, my dad raised me to be a man who protected provided pronounced all those things, I learned to squash my voice, not be a complainer and just do what was asked to do what was expected to be a good student to not ask questions to do everything that I was expected to do. And when I got into my first marriage, that's the attitude that I took into it, I needed to protect, provide, not worry about my own needs to those things. And that made me a great husband. What I learned along the way was that there were things that I needed in a relationship. And when I didn't get those things, I began to resent my partner. - Scott Hayes “I will be the person who brings all this stuff. And just thinking in my mind that somehow by osmosis, people will understand that that's what I want in return. Yes. And that's just not the way human behavior works.”  - Scott Hayes CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

If you caught episode 70, then you know we weren’t sure if we’d be able to make the last five episodes of the year happen because we’ve been through a lot lately, and we wanted a break. Well, we decided to find a way to work smarter instead of giving up. We’ve been blessed to be guests on a number of other podcasts this year, and we’re sharing a few of those episodes and reflections. Up first, is our convo with Natasha and Damian Carrillo of Black and Brown Make Green Podcast. We had an honest money convo, and we can’t wait to share it with you! WHAT TO LISTEN FOR Our history with money [14:48] Scott’s history with money  How our histories with money affected our marriage  Discussing gender roles in money Learning to partner as a couple and not roommates [17:44]  Discussing relationships we saw growing up Learning what each other desired  Seeking help from a financial advisor Working past differing opinions [20:45] Navigating childhood and racial traumas  Scarcity mindset Who is the breadwinner/tackling “traditional gender roles” Honoring your husband as head of the household Being self aware [24:44]  Where is this reaction coming from? Marriage counseling/therapy Addressing past triggers in marriage Boundaries and communication  The biggest lesson we learned [33:58]  Do not be afraid to seek help, even BEFORE things get hard.  Be self aware of your past so that it doesn’t hinder your future.  If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at thelovehaze@gmail.com.  EPISODE QUOTES: “You know just you have to be careful about the information that you receive, but I think that it was more so about me learning myself like me having the opportunity to really strip down, look at what happened in that marriage and look at my part and my part in it was that I never really told the person what I needed to be successful in relationship with me and you really can't expect something from anyone if you don't tell them what it is that you need and give them the opportunity to either meet that or say I don't want to do that and.”- Scott Hayes “I think the root of everything is just communication. It's how you communicate, it's what you're communicating about. It is, you know, boundaries. It's relearning each other after you've evolved a little bit and like who am I now? But it's based on being able to say what you need, right? Set a boundary, communicate how you're feeling. And then the other person meeting you has a way to either, I don't know, understand that, affirm that, adjust, right? So it's just like constant negotiation and I think so many relationships fall apart and I've seen it happen in my own life several times over.”- Shate Hayes “I think the number one thing about like getting past it is just to recognize why you're feeling the way you're feeling. And like, can you really tackle that as the issue and not each other?”- Shate Hayes CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Listen y'all, we have wanted to quit podcasting so many times. As recently as this weekend, we seriously entertained letting it go because life has been out here life-ing. But thankfully, we’ve gotten a reframing that’s helped us, and we hope it’ll help y’all too. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: How quitting sowed seeds for the future  [8:27] Shate reflects on her time in LA  Fertility journey  Learning to celebrate before the finish Feeling like what you’re sowing isn’t reaping enough to continue Identifying hazes in your life [18:21]  Being able to talk through your issues Welcoming people into the same space of healing you’re currently in  Learning to trust both God and yourself in a hard season Not being so future focused that you forget to be in the present Having a level of mindfulness If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at thelovehaze@gmail.com.  EPISODE QUOTES: “And I did quit. But one of the things that I learned now in hindsight is that I had already sown all the seeds. So when I quit, when I took my hands off of it, it actually gave it the space and the time for the harvest to come through just in a way that I hadn't imagined.” - Shate Hayes “I'm getting to the place of understanding about me that sometimes, I can only celebrate when I have finished; when I see the victory. And I'm being matured, I'm being spiritually matured and otherwise mature just in being able to have enough faith in the work that I'm doing, to not know what the outcome is going to be, you know, before I can, you know, give credit where credit is due, before I can be able to celebrate, you know, what my higher power is doing, you know, to be able to know that I'm being diligent, and that I'm doing it even when it doesn't feel good. And when I don't feel like it.” - Scott Hayes CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

We talk a lot about communication and boundaries for our personal lives, and a lot of those same principles can be applied to our professional relationships, too. Self-advocacy is universal, but it's also so personal, y'all. Join us as we unpack that. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: Self-advocacy and setting boundaries in professional relationships [1:20] Some leaders, especially people of color, seem unaware that they can advocate for themselves Scott’s story of how he realized that he has the right to advocate for himself  Being a team player DOES NOT mean you can’t say no  Most organizations prioritize their interest over your well-being, so make sure to look out for yourself  Setting boundaries around your time to prioritize self-care and avoid burnout and overcommitting  Ways to set boundaries at work [17:37]  Clearly communicating your availability to protect and honor your time (e.g. putting a sign on your office door)  Remembering that people can overstep your boundaries only if you let it  Putting guardrails around how you spend your time (i.e.putting Slack notes to notify people of what you’re currently doing)  Setting goals with your team as a way to also respect their time  The haze of setting boundaries at work [21:15] Some people struggle with understanding boundaries  Having conversations about setting boundaries could be difficult Asserting boundaries can sometimes make you feel like you’re being mean  Setting boundaries with a peer could be manageable, but doing so with your superior can be hard  Having a “ruinous empathy” rather than offering to meet halfway  The fear of being replaced to prove your enoughness Navigating the haze [43:44] Getting the support that you need  Asserting your boundaries in a respectful way  Biggest lessons [45:06] You can’t advocate for others if you can’t advocate for yourself  People will do what you allow them to do—it’s a disservice to both you and other person  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Listen to Pardon by T.I. and Lil Baby Radical Candor by Kim Scott CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Schedule a coaching session with Shaté: https://bit.ly/Pivot-and-ProsperClear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Life is always out here doing what it wants to do, and there’s nothing we can really do about it. So what could it look like to accept that, to learn how to go with the flow, and grow through it, too? Join us as we process through it. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: Life teaches us that it is NOT linear [3:42] Our tendency to have our life planned chronologically  Life is not as easy as going from point A to point B to point C.  You could be at any point, then have to go three steps back (how the world had to deal with COVID, for example)  How Shaté planned to marry at 25 but ended up getting married at 38  Our relationships and careers will never be linear—we’ll always experience pivots  Always choosing to follow your heart path  Giving people the freedom to just be becoming [12:07] People are allowed to change career paths Stop asking kids what they want to be when they grow up. They don’t know, even some adults don’t!  Learning doesn’t stop when we graduate. We should be habitual students of life.  Life is HARD. But if we learn to grow through Why Scott hates the statement “learn to live life on life's terms” Learning to appreciate every season [18:58] If you keep on wishing for a different season, you’ll never appreciate the beauty of the current one   The haze of going with the flow [22:31] It’s hard to see the silver lining when your sacrifices don’t give you the one thing that you want  Reframing our thinking could be a challenge  Navigating the haze [26:02] It’s normal to feel hurt when things don’t go as planned, but don’t stay there  Looking for support to help you get through the tough times  Language matters!  Letting God take charge and do the rest (instead of fighting His will)  “Redefining what the fruit looks like”  “Trust and adjust” as a way to navigate the haze  Whatever we have, wherever we are, they’re all good enough for us to start  Biggest lessons around trusting the process [37:01] Learning how to zoom out to see the bigger picture—this is how we can find a way to thrive in life  Being present and giving yourself the freedom to experience life as it is RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Listen to Kick, Push by Lupe Fiasco CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Life has been life-ing, y’all. And when we’re in seasons like this, it’s easier for our emotions to get the best of us. So in this episode, we’re talking through the value of holding onto your emotions even when everything else feels like it’s falling through the cracks. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: Showing up in tough seasons [2:37] What exactly is emotional regulation?  Finding the grade to regulate your emotions How to have self-awareness  Growing through the difficulties  Being cool, calm, and collected under pressure How you act differently when you’re tired  The key to having high EQ Navigating emotions in the neurodivergence spectrum Healing from “not enoughness” [14:24] Understanding that we have different level of needs  Feeling that you are not enough could lead to shutting down others  Realizing that there is nothing wrong with pure, ra, and honest emotion— it just needs parameters Whatever you feel, don’t let it control your emotion Controlling your emotions, so they don't control you The haze of regulating your emotions [18:21] Being in autopilot you sometimes barely care about what other people might feel around you  Most people don’t realize that therapy is NOT healing; it merely allows you to harness your own healing  Thinking that a mistake or setback is an opportunity to learn is difficult  Being present in the moment could be exhausting  We’re still figuring out how to give ourselves permission to take a step back and just breathe Figuring out ways on how to get out of a toxic environment and care for your well-being Navigating the hell of a haze of regulating your emotions [30:16] Withdrawing from always wanting to feel good—you’re NOT a baby that always needs to be pacified Working on understanding human emotions and that there are days that you’ll feel different emotions (You should not let these temporary emotions dictate your decisions)  Learning to address your childhood wounds so they don’t up consuming  you Biggest lessons around emotion regulation [35:28] Pausing before responding can do wonders to your relationships (because things you’ve said in the heat of the moment can probably be forgiven, but not forgotten) DON’T make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions Being emotional is NOT a negative thing!  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: The Color of Emotional Intelligence by Farrah Harris  The Love Haze: Episode 53, "Bigger than my bottom." The Love Haze: Episode 35, "The stories we tell ourselves." The Love Haze: Episode 41, "Re-parenting your inner child." Listen to It’s a Beautiful Day by TRINIX Listen to Regulate by Warren G CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Today, we’re coming for all the inherent problem solvers out there. When your loved ones share their problems with you, it’s almost second nature for some of us to jump right into solution-ing. But what does it look like to just listen, to just be a safe space for your loved one to work through their problem on their own? Well, we’re about to eff around and find out. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: There are problems that are not yours to solve [3:09] Sometimes, it doesn’t help to tell people how to solve a problem, especially when you see things in different perspectives  People solve problems in different paces The self centered perspective on problem solving In order to own the outcomes of our choices, we sometimes need to solve things on our own—this helps us avoid blame-shifting  Letting our loved ones solve their problems while being there for them [10:43] Being there when they need to vent  Providing suggestions only when asked  Empower them to have more autonomy, make more decisions on their own  The haze of letting our loved ones fight their battles [14:19] If you give them the answer, you take away the opportunity of letting them find the answer and learn on their own  “I'm not just gonna do it for you, but I'm here to support you” can be received in a wrong way  Always solving others’ problems can lead to codependency  The struggle to set boundaries  Navigating the haze [21:24]  Asking people the kind of help they need, and being clear if you can provide it  Asking people, “How can I support you?”  Trusting your loved ones that they’re strong enough to solve their own problems  Biggest lessons [27:17] If you often solve others’ problems, you might end up expecting them to do the same for you  You need to see if a loved one is being too dependent on you  Simply asking “What do you think?” and letting them decide could go a really long way  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Listen to Can’t Tell Me Nothing by Kanye West CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Listen, if we hear ONE more person come for #BlackLoveDoc, it’s gon’ be a problem. With the recent news of Ms. Tina Knowles-Lawson’s divorce, commenters have been pretty hard on the show, calling it cursed because five of the couples featured have gone their separate ways. Well, we have plenty to say about that, and we got time today. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: The Black Love Journey [3:51] The Black Love documentary is not about the do’s and don'ts; it’s simply a representation of Black love  Out of the 70-80 couples featured in 5 seasons, about 5 couples have broken up—this should not be viewed as a curse In every separation lies the story of resilience and the beauty of standing up for what really would make you happy  The constant fear of being judged [16:50] The struggle to be someone who respects his own humanity… and others’  People tend to look for the drama You need to give yourself permission to wiggle out of relationships that are no longer in alignment with who you want to be  Being divorced is NOT the end of life  The haze of choosing the way out [23:55]  You will encounter people who don’t honor your journey, your story  The “negative publicity”  Understanding the separation can be for the better  Breaking free from guilt and shame can be a challenge  Finding the courage to share your story despite the judgment that may come your way  Facing biases (how the Black community is perceived) Navigating the haze [32:03] Giving yourself to love, make mistakes, and learn  Getting rid of the notion that you/your life can be perfect Letting others see your humanity  Being your authentic self, unafraid to share your story  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Black Love (documentary) Daring Greatly by Brené Brown Listen to I Was Here by Beyonce Listen to Real Love by Mary J. Blige Love Again by Daniel Caesar and Brandy CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

We’ve all been taught that it’s a good thing to give someone the benefit of the doubt? It essentially means to assume good intent, right? But when it comes to self-doubt, that changes the game. Let’s unpack who benefits when we dim our light and play small. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: We tend to assume good intent [3:44] When we always assume that the other person means well, we get harder on ourselves  Women are taught to act/react in a certain way  There are four main-reasons why we self-sabotage  The struggle to be empathetic Self-doubt is dangerous [12:12] Self-doubt doesn’t lift you up, neither does your other relationships  The “worker bee” mentality and imposter syndrome  Trusting that you always make the right decision and that you can figure out what to do next  Honoring your leadership  Giving the benefit of the doubt [26:40] When you minimize yourself, you give up your power  Allowing yourself to be heard and seen  How you really gain self-awareness  Navigating the haze [30:25]  Choosing what you know is holding you back  The need for immediate gratification  Learning how to trust and forgive yourself  Unlearning the idea that you are a burden  Lessons around self-trust [41:24] Seeing yourself for who you really are is needed for your healing Your failures are part of your story  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Listen to Take Up Space Sis by Toni Jones Listen to So Ugly I’m Beautiful by Toni Jones Listen to I See Me Mantras by Toni Jones  Listen to RUN by Killer Mike Listen to King’s Disease by Nas Listen to Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers by Kendrick Lamar The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks  CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

In today's episode, we're tapping into our local community as we had the pleasure to connect with Oriola Esuleke. She’s the owner of The Kindred Healing Center, AHHA Consulting LLC (Aggregated Holistic Healing Alliance), and Principal owner of the first black-owned and operated social media wellness platform, the AHHA Wellness Community. Oriola is a curator of holistic culturally sacred self-healing spaces, so it's only fitting that we talk about what it means to heal from the inside out. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR: Healing from the inside out [8:44] Forgiving yourself is the best medicine  Healing from racial trauma  Learning to love the past version of ourselves  A conduit for change [13:44]  Change can be passed down Even the littlest things can make a difference  Authenticity and breaking traditions On divorce and self-love [21:15] You can marry your best friend and and not end up together  Separation doesn’t have to be spite-filled and bitter Healing will allow you to move on and become happy again “Conscious uncoupling” Forgiveness as a game changer [32:07]  Forgiveness if for yourself  Feeling disconnected is often a defense mechanism Having the desire to be in tune with yourself  The biggest lesson we learned [39:44]  The more you love yourself, the more you can receive love  Honoring the whole you  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Listen to Where Would I Be by Kendrick Family Soul  The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo The Spiritual Alchemist The Kindred Healing Center CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

In this episode, we’re unpacking a topic that was submitted by one of our listeners. We’ve mentioned folks who’ve cut ties with family members because of unhealthy relationships, but we haven’t talked about maintaining a relationship with a parent when y’all just don’t get along. Well, until today, that is. WHAT TO LISTEN FORStrained Parent-Child Relationship [2:20] Difficulty in connecting with parents as an adult, experiencing a surface-level relationship. Parents treat the individual as a young child needing constant guidance and direction. Feeling that opinions and decisions are not valued. Tension in the relationship leading to avoiding family interactions and limited communication. Parents consistently push for higher achievements, disregarding personal aspirations and choices. Desire for individual autonomy and to forge their own path being met with resistance and imposition of the parents' plans. Instances throughout life where the parents seemed to undervalue the individual's identity and growth as an adult. Tension in the relationship leading to avoiding family interactions and limited communication. Understanding Autonomy and Growth Pains [4:14] Reflections on the challenges of growing up and the parallel experience of parents witnessing their child's journey into adulthood. Acknowledging the natural inclination for parents to perceive their children as "forever young" and maintain a nurturing, protective mindset. Drawing parallels from personal experiences of leadership roles, where similar nurturing energy exists towards others. Recognizing the difficulty of asserting one's adulthood and maturity while maintaining respect towards parents. Navigating Conflict with a Father [19:47] Relationship struggles during teenage years. A father's expectations of being an upstanding man  Persistent effort to establish a relationship where they could be seen as equals by their father Desire to engage in genuine conversations about upbringing, instilled values, and the father's own limitations. Navigating projected expectations. Persistent seeking of understanding and connection, while recognizing the need for personal boundaries and self-acceptance. Saying what you need [28:51] Adaptability and being prepared for their response. The first step is to say what you need. Two choices, stop calling or accept the conversation. Decide to stay or not stay. How to navigate difficult situations with parents. [33:24] Be prepared for how they may or may not receive it. Seek out support. Relationships are about practice and practice. The importance of taking a break. Lessons learned about parent-child relationships as an adult. Respect for parents as an individual. CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Listen, I don’t know about y’all, but for us, life has been life-ing lately. And it seems like at every turn, we’re pulled in different directions, faced with disappointment, and juggling really full plates. So join us as we process how to move forward when self-care just isn't enough. Navigating adulting has become increasingly challenging. How are we supposed to handle it all when it's taking a toll? Life is filled with transitions, the pandemic aftermath, and the need to prioritize our well-being. It's important to acknowledge our exhaustion and give ourselves grace during these challenging times. Taking care of our mental health becomes even more crucial. So join us as we process how to move forward when self-care just isn't enough.  WHAT TO LISTEN FOR Transitioning back to pre-pandemic normal [3:36] People navigating life post-pandemic Finding a new normal outside of the pandemic is difficult and requires navigating regular adult responsibilities. Saying “No” and Balancing Commitments & Priorities [8:57]  Balancing commitments and being present for various aspects of life is challenging. Prioritizing one thing often means sacrificing attention to other tasks and responsibilities. Finding energy for additional projects or responding to messages becomes difficult after focusing on existing commitments. Struggling to determine whether the workload is a result of taking on too much or simply managing a busy season of life. Ongoing commitments and responsibilities, such as work, family matters, and personal journeys, require continuous attention and cannot be easily set aside. Unexpected issues, like financial matters, email overload, and scheduling conflicts, add to the daily challenges and disrupt plans. Questioning whether busyness and exhaustion are a normal part of adulthood or if expectations differed from the current reality. Taking care of oneself is IMPORTANT [16:12] Self-care alone may not always be enough to combat the challenges of adulting and exhaustion. Engaging in self-care activities that make you feel good, such as getting your nails and hair done, going for acupuncture or massages, and having meaningful conversations, is important but doesn't always eliminate fatigue. Balancing self-care activities with proper rest and relaxation. Active self-care, while beneficial, may not be sufficient if baseline rest is neglected. Neglecting rest can lead to a physical and mental shutdown, highlighting the significance of incorporating rest into overall health. Navigate the transition into adulthood [23:12]  Taking the moments  Setting boundaries Navigating self-care during the week Unlearning to be okay with not being productive. CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

We know how complicated relationships can be. On top of the interpersonal connection, we're also contending with triggers, boundaries, expectation setting for how you need to be loved. And how does that all play out with family? ESPECIALLY when it's the family you're trying to build? WHAT TO LISTEN FOR  What does family mean to us? [0:13] A place where people feel they belong. Family is about people who are there for you. Intersection of values People that are part of your family that might not necessarily blood, but they've been there for you all the time The importance of bloodline [5:24]  Feeling a sense of responsibility to carry on the family bloodline Pressure and stress associated with the potential end of the family name Belief that family is about belonging and a place where one feels accepted and valued Redefining what family means [16:43] The challenge of defining family when building one's own family. Juxtaposition between personal values and desires for family and one's upbringing. Desire for a bloodline while also wanting to create an open and inclusive family. Exploration of different approaches to building a family, including adoption, donor options, and fostering. The unfamiliarity and uncertainty of considering alternative family-building options. Feeling unsure and questioning societal expectations and assumptions about family. The complicated nature of family [32:45]  Impact of racial trauma on the black community's concept of family Disruption of black families through historical and systemic factors Importance of chosen family and expanding the definition of family Desire to break generational cycles and create a healthy family environment CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

We talk a lot about family dynamics, overcoming interpersonal offenses, and moving past stuck places in general. But what about trauma from work? That’s not something we hear a lot of people talk about, so it’s time to lay it all out on the table. Whew chile...prepare to be triggered. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR Workplace Trauma [2:36] No different from really any other trauma as it relates to it being a stuck place. A lot of times we are forced to have to move past or to have to gloss over or to have to put aside because we need to earn money. We're a lot more inclined, and probably willing to stay in work relationships to SURVIVE. How do workplace traumas happen? [16:59] People are just people Companies have different values Some of us stay in unhealthy relationships, for work and have that trauma and move forward with it Navigating the haze of work stress [34:33] Create social committees for better employee retention Being in charge in small ways Have flexible work opinions Firm up your boundaries [37:37] Introducing boundaries and mental health days. Redirecting energy from work during breaks Setting boundaries and saving time for yourself CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

We believe that every relationship is a journey, and we are here striving to help you navigate through it.  In our previous episodes, we've discussed topics such as matching energy, communication styles, and conflict resolution, all aimed at helping you build stronger and healthier relationships. Today, we're excited to dive into a new topic: reciprocity in relationships. Let’s delve into the importance of balance and mutual giving in any relationship. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR  The Role of Position and Responsibility in Lopsided Relationship [1:01] The positions we put people in can contribute to relationship imbalances. Taking responsibility for our part is key to addressing these imbalances. If a relationship is lopsided from the start, it may not survive. The importance of doing internal work to avoid blaming others for these imbalances is emphasized.  Expectations, Capacity, and Complexity [2:41]  The expectations and pressures that come with labels like "best friend" and how they can contribute to lopsided relationships. Not everyone deserves a front seat in our lives, and recognizing when someone may not have the capacity to show up in a certain way is important. Nuances and Complexity in Relationships [4:00]  Lopsided relationships: one person gives more than the other, cannot hold substance, ultimately cannot survive. Individual circumstances, patterns of behavior, societal expectations contribute to unbalanced relationships Nuance is essential in understanding unbalanced relationships. Repositioning people in our lives can help address unbalanced relationships. Family relationships can be complex due to societal expectations   Selflessness, Boundaries, and Different Forms of Support in Relationships [8:36] Finding selflessness while maintaining boundaries and being able to have some level of selfishness without feeling guilty results in finding  balance. People show up based on how they have learned to operate with their own stuff, which can lead to different types of support and interactions. Finding a balance between faith and relationships is key in navigating these dynamics. Repositioning for Sustainable Connections [15:00] Relationships require fluidity and the ability to adapt to changing circumstances. Reposition people in our lives without discarding them entirely. If a relationship is consistently lopsided and unable to provide the support needed, it may be necessary to position someone else in that role Developing Healthy Relationships through Self-Awareness and Boundaries [26:00] Understanding one's own toxic traits that may have contributed to unhealthy relationships Being mindful of how we position people in our lives based on what we can give and receive Having boundaries and not being a dumping ground for other people's issues Requiring something from others in the relationship, while also being willing to give what is required RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Pastor YPJ CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Today, we're taking a deep dive into today's dating culture, or maybe it's going to be a shallow dive. Who knows? But one thing we do know is that we've watched a lot of black love shows, and we're ready to talk about it. But it's not just about the shows, it's about what we can learn from them. As a couple in a fulfilling relationship ourselves, we're excited to share our perspective on dating culture and what it means for our own journey.  WHAT TO LISTEN FOR Dating Culture and Emotional Intelligence [1:35] Dating culture as portrayed on television shows provides insights into how people choose their partners and what they find valuable and attractive. Authenticity and communication of needs and desires are important in building fulfilling relationships. Emotional intelligence is crucial in understanding where people are in their personal growth journey and how they show up in relationships. “Beyond the List” [8:14] The importance of being clear about what one wants in a partner, but also realizing that the perfect list may not necessarily lead to a fulfilling relationship. Having a list and getting someone who fits it will not guarantee a peaceful and fulfilling relationship. Importance of values alignment and emotional connection in building a fulfilling relationship over just having superficial traits on a list. The “role” of Individuality and effective communication [10:55] Past experiences can sometimes influence the traits we prioritize in a partner. Communication and willingness to learn a partner's love language is essential in a relationship. Understanding individuality and what certain traits and behaviors mean for each person is important. The Shallow Dive: The Importance of Digging Deeper in Relationships [16:48] Many dating shows lack depth and do not encourage individuals to take a deeper dive into their potential partner's true self. The struggle between an individual's ideal self and their true self can create disappointment for both the individual and their partner. It is important to be authentic and show up as oneself in a relationship, rather than pretending to be someone else. The key to a successful relationship is alignment, specifically aligned values and desires. The haze of dating based on a lot of values [19:45] Shared values are important for sustaining a relationship Looks will fade, people will change, shared values remain constant Dating just to have a warm body is not fulfilling Lack of interest, connection or alignment means not going on further dates Waiting for someone with shared values, but also holding oneself accountable. Navigating the haze of choosing [29:08] Know what you want and choose accordingly Don't just settle for whoever is choosing you Choose what you want, even if it's not currently choosing you Focus on how it feels, not just on specific criteria Be open to unexpected situations or packages, as long as it feels right for you Seek advice from wise counsel when necessary Making a choice requires navigating feelings and potential challenges Making the choice [32:35]  Don't resign to whoever is giving you attention, choose the person you want to be with. Broaden your list of criteria to focus on how you want the relationship to feel, rather than specific details. It's okay to navigate feelings that come up in the process of finding a partner. CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠. --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

We’re challenging societal norms of manhood. Data shows that many men know that talking openly is an effective way of dealing with their problems, but they keep quiet so they don’t appear weak or unmanly. Well, we’re affirming that getting the support you need is the real flex. Men fears to appear “unmanly” [1:06] Data suggests that men, especially adult men, find it hard to talk about their feelings, despite knowing that it could solve their problems—why did they become like this?  Unlearning what ‘manhood’ really is  For parents: your disappointment in yourself could show up in how you treat your kids, your family, and other people. This is why there are kids who feel like they’ll never be “good  enough”  “Maladaptive” (unhealthy) behaviors and how they show could up [10:43]  Maladaptive behaviors are behaviors that don’t benefit you in the long run  Avoiding the conflict rather than facing it head-on How the world robs men off their humanity [11:53]  Not having the support that they need when they feel rejected  Simple, careless statements such as “Big boys don’t cry”  Men’s feelings tend to be dismissed to “you shouldn’t be feeling that way” that sometimes lead to developing maladaptive behaviors (e.g. being a womanizer) In times of loss, men have to be painted as the ones who have to be strong, leaving no room to process their own grief  The kind of support Black men (and women) needs [20:00] Everyone deserves healthy relationships—relationships where there could be disagreement but not disconnection.  Relationships where the other pushes the other to be better  Having a space where they’re free to feel whatever they’re feeling  The haze of overcoming the idea of manhood [25:23] Giving yourself permission to feel when society tells you not to  Succumbing to vulnerability when everyone expects you to be a superhero  Not mistaking oversharing with vulnerability—finding the right community who resonate with you  Having a safe AND a brave space to talk through challenges Navigating the haze [33:38]  Being with people who will push you to be better  Letting a therapist be part of your community  In relationships: knowing how to communicate properly to get what you need, as well as give what the other person needs  What it really means to be strong [49:52]  Learning emotion regulation: what do you do with what you feel?   RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Brene Brown  Listen to One Man Can Change the World by Big Sean Listen to Brotha by Angie Stone CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

Firefighters go through a certain training where they have to talk a person into coming out of a burning building, no matter how scary it could be. It’s because coming in to save that person would endanger them.  We find this idea interesting because of its uncanny similarity with the path towards healing. The truth is nobody, except you, can save you. Sure, others can help, but it will ultimately be you who will have to work for it. You have to be willing to do it yourself.  In this episode, we’re unpacking what it means to “participate in your own rescue.” You know the saying… You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. But when it comes to our healing and growth, it’s time to drink up, y’all. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR  What it means to “participate in your own rescue” [3:11] Understanding that there’s no one else that can save you—except you  There are others who can help you, but their efforts go to waste if you’re not willing to save yourself  Scott’s 90-day program treatment and the importance of the first 30 days  Having to do the work with the guidance of others (e.g. therapist)  How to know you need saving [9:07]  Having nowhere to go—do you want to stay stuck, blame yourself and others, or you want to do something different?  The overwhelming desire to break patterns, break cycles Feeling like you’re made for more  The haze of moving to a place of healing [14:53]  Causing friction with people who want to stay in the same place  Letting go of the idea that somebody is coming to save you  Being resistant to change  Realizing that where you are currently is unhealthy The fear of uncomfortability  Thinking that you don’t have what it takes to move forward Finding no support  Navigating the haze [31:30]  You have to have the willingness to save yourself  Being in a healthy relationship that supports you rather than hold you back  Doing a leap of faith  Understanding that pursuing healing is a long journey and tenaciously walking towards it  Great lessons on saving yourself [36:34]  It’s not a straight line, but you’ll learn a lot along the way, and you can share what you learned to others  You’re more powerful than you think. There’s a fire inside you waiting to be lit  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE: Episode 45: Healing our relationship with money w/Ranauldo & Liz Wright. Listen to If I Can’t by 50 Cent Listen to Someday We’ll All Be Free by Donny Hathaway CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support

“You're only a good person, because your life has let you live that way.”  This statement speaks volumes about privilege, a topic that we’ll zero in on today's conversation.  In this episode, we’re talking about the choices we make based on the hand that life has dealt us. For those of us who’ve been blessed enough to have our basic needs met, let’s exercise some empathy and recognize what a privilege that is. WHAT TO LISTEN FOR  The idea of privilege [3:10]  Not everybody has the same value system that you have  Not everyone has the resources that you have (money, therapy, etc.)  People evolve differently depending on their privilege  Equity: everybody’s a different starting life  Privilege teaches us to be mindful of saying things that comes from a place of privilege/access  How privilege shows in our life [8:27] Having access to better educational experience (e.g. attending a private school) There are systems that are set up to support a few people’s success, not everyone’s (e.g. leadership and operational systems at work)  How not everyone have access to mental care  The haze of exercising empathy for those who don’t have similar access [17:16] Never forgetting your roots, where you came from  It’s easy to judge other people when we feel detached Remembering that with access comes a responsibility Acknowledging that empowering others is part of work—who can you inspire and empower?   Using your own privilege to give others access to what you have that they don’t  Navigating the haze of exercising empathy [26:45]  Learning about how you can contribute to change  Hearing about others’ stories to empathize better  Lessons on access and privileges [30:43]  Don’t tell people what to do; ask them what help they need  What matters to you may not matter for others  There are different levels to  access and privilege  Remember your “why” and never stop working towards your healing  RESOURCES FROM THIS EPISODE You Don’t Know Me on Netflix Listen to Juicy by The Notorious B.I.G. CHECK IN WITH SCOTT AND SHATÉ:  Clear the haze with our Weekly Word. We’ll send you insights from our recent convos, book recommendations, resources, and more to help you navigate the unspoken hard parts of life: ⁠https://thelovehaze.co/weeklyword⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Spotify Playlist⁠⁠⁠⁠ - Music for this moment.Follow Us: ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠ | ⁠⁠⁠⁠Facebook⁠⁠⁠⁠Follow @iamshate on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠; Follow @scotthayes_lcsw on ⁠⁠⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠⁠⁠If you know someone or you yourself can benefit from The Love Haze community, don’t hesitate to let us know! Leave a comment or send us an email at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠thelovehaze@gmail.com⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠.  --- Support this podcast: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/thelovehaze/support