Podcast 3: Big up the womenSo much more practical in finding solutions. Teach us please ladies. We need you. Us men have become emasculated by a society. What does masculinity mean? Aren’t there two roles – Masculinity & Femininity? Aren’t they different? Don’t they complement each other, to create a balanced society? Too simplistic Gary?We need someone in our life to role-model the sexual type that belongs to each of us. Without it, so many are floundering on the high seas, trying to do the best with the best that they have been handed. “Life isn’t fair” - I decided, long ago.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Exploring Manhood | Understanding Masculinity | Male Identity | Role of Men in Society |

Impediments to having great relationships Disruption in the bonding in early childhood development with the significant caregivers (usually parents), is a key factor. The male (a father) plays a very important role. Masculinity cannot be supplemented by a mother. It is not "do as I say", it is "do as you see me doing". The eyes take in the largest amount of information during the communication process.What gets set up in childhood, plays out in adulthood, in how we interact with others; seeking to bond, yet avoid repeat hurt. It is called Insecure Attachment. Insecure Attachment in Adulthood, often presents as “Love Addiction”, where the individual is not so much chasing Love, but connection; acceptance; to be inclusive; to be wanted; to be secure.The stuff of Sex, Porn, Love Addiction is indiscriminate. It impacts, in a significant way, LGBTQI. See the latest stats in 2023 research: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/add.16431https://www.researchgate.net/publication/378528092Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Exploring Manhood | Understanding Masculinity | Male Identity | Role of Men in Society |

What is Man-ness?There is still a caveman instinct inside of us as men. Has the image got distorted as men try to metamorphize ourselves to fit what society tells us a man should be. Trying to fit what we are really not, is hard work. At some point there may be an increased desire to self-soothe and escape into cyberworld for a while – using sex, porn and/or other compulsive behaviours. Consider this poem:Children Learn What They Live by Dorothy Law NolteIf a child lives with criticism, he [she] learns to condemn.If a child lives with hostility, he [she] learns to fight.If a child lives with ridicule, he [she] learns to be shy.If a child lives with shame, he [she] learns to feel guilty.If a child lives with tolerance, he [she] learns to be patient.If a child lives with encouragement, he [she] learns confidence.If a child lives with praise, he [she] learns to appreciate.If a child lives with fairness, he [she] learns justice.If a child lives with security, he [she] learns to have faith.If a child lives with approval, he [she] learns to like himself [herself].If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he [she] learns to find love in the world.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Exploring Manhood | Understanding Masculinity | Male Identity | Role of Men in Societ

Root causes of negative impact on the brain, to cause it to gravitate to self-soothing behaviours?What do you think were the issues which caused your brain to gravitate to self-soothing from those negative impactful behaviours, during those early developing younger years of life (often before puberty)? Bullying, abuse, sexual abuse, parents arguing, witnessing domestic violence, over zealous punishment, comparison with a sibling, never good enough, not fit in, ostracised, parents’ separation and/or divorce, pressure to perform at school, witnessing assaults, fear for safety of self-and/or others…… (What was yours?)Use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) to first address the event, BEFORE embarking upon a Recovery Programme or a 12 Steps Programme. Make the first thing the first thing first!You WILL still need a Recovery Programme – to breakdown the negative neural pathways - but by going after the “Cognitve/thinking/ setting up”, you increase the “tendency/propensity” for good outcomes from a Recovery Programme. Make sense?What was and still is the Emotional event for you? Trauma, Anxiety, Stress, Pain, Fear, Panic Attack, Complicated grief, Grieving, Dissociation, Anger, Phobias, Performance Anxiety, Personality disorders…….?“Trauma is the external wound, not the internal event” – Gabor Mate“Trauma is a story that has not moved on”. It is a “story” because of the truths that your brain made of the event when it unfolded; but it may not be the full reality because of the compromised brain functioning at the time of the event; (ie logical brain not fully online at the time) – but it is set up in the body - from what all five senses took in at the time.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Objectification | Hypersexualization |

Is porn bad or inherently bad for the brain?I don’t want to be seen as moralising about anyone’s personal values, ethics, standards or morals. What we do know is that experiments demonstrate that porn viewing can do permanent damage to the brain. (We are dealing with lots of porn use over lots of hours; no short periodical or ad hoc use).Once damaged in that way, it is permanent and the deficit cannot be repaired. (“A bit scaremongery Gary”). No, not really. Do your own research. Don’t believe me!A person will not know whether a first few viewings of porn – which will create a template on the brain – will later cause the brain to choose porn as its “go-to” self-soother of choice. You do not choose the compulsion or addictive behaviour of choice. Your brain chooses.Porn use over the years, is not static. Just like illegal drug use and alcohol want increase to give the same high, so porn use likely will increase. The increase tends to be in the form of greater novelty, risk taking, boundary crossing and not getting caught – therefore becoming a greater expert at going underground/hiding - (which "Shame" loves, because Shame is all about “hidden” and “hiding”).Then with increased use, sensitisation to a partner’s body can be set up; fantasy, objectification and dining out on multiple past porn images, become the starter course before being able to have sex. There is then more than two of you in the bed.This is the terrain of Psychosexual Therapy – to help you desensitise. I am a Psychosexual Therapist.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention |

This Insecure Attachment thing, has a lot to answer…..Stuff set up in childhood development, has its tentacles in how we are doing our adult lives and relationships. Picture the image of a “Russian Doll”; the layers of the Russian Doll has the smallest version deep inside. That represents the Inner child. Stand up the real you. Which one will stand up? Which one is the real you?The Inner child is deep in the layers seeking protection from ever getting hurt again; because of what the brain is carrying from childhood experiences; things that hurt it; things not in the conscious and so things that even you cannot find or even remember, let alone access; all very unconscious.Problem! You know there is a nice, loveable inner child person deep inside, whom you get a split-second glimpse of. Know you could like, but disappears as quickly as became visible; gone back deep inside, to avoid exposure to repeat hurt. Can you identify with that? Those who can, know what I am talking about. You get it. You also have that experience.Recovery is a journey. You can heal from this Insecure Attachment behaviour. I use EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation Reprocessing) to help clients do so. I am an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working Online with clients based all over the world.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | NoFap and Porn Addiction Recovery | Sobriety from Pornography Addiction | Pornography Addiction Education | Understanding Pornography Addiction |

Don't think about having truly achieved sobriety until one year from the last acting out.“A bit arbitrary Gary. Rather too long, don’t you think?” My reply is that the compulsive and addiction behaviours usually have a few decades start on you. In other words, many clients have been doing the behaviours for decades – often since childhood development. A habit; a hamster wheel behaviour pattern; otherwise more therapeutically called a neural pathway - is well established. It is not going to be possible to wean your brain – your physiology - off the biochemical fix of Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin & Noradrenaline, in a short time frame. There is a “cold turkey” effect. It is not like illegal drugs. The cold turkey effect is mood related. That is what the addiction was set up to manage.And then that thing called “Insecure Attachment” again….Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | NoFap and Porn Addiction Recovery | Sobriety from Pornography Addiction | Pornography Addiction Education | Understanding Pornography Addiction | Effects of Pornography Addiction | Brain Changes from Pornography Addiction | Pornography Addiction Withdrawal | Coping with Addiction Withdrawal Symptoms | Managing Triggers | Relapse Prevention Strategies | Building Resilience Against Pornography Temptations | Cognitive Behavioral Strategies for Pornography Addiction Recovery | Developing Healthy Coping Mechanisms | Insecure Attachment |

Getting help is not a sign of weakness.Repeated Negative patterns of behaviours, give a glimpse of a problem. I take me into the relationship and is me being me, doing life how I do life – “What’s the problem?”; the problem must be you.There is no problem if there is no problem; but when you know there is a problem – because life just is not working well for you - then you need to lift your head up and acknowledge that you may need a third party (a Therapist) to come alongside you. Do it – even whilst kicking and screaming and your finger nails are leaving marks in the carpet as you are dragged across the carpet into the Therapist's office (or made much easier for you now – Online!)That sounds like my journey; kicking and screaming, that only Freud could unravel a complex being like me! (That was my long time avoidant strategy. "After all, I am a Black man and I aim't sharing me with some busy-body Counsellor. I can do this....")Your partner is going to be a mirror, reflecting "you" back onto you and bringing out/triggering out – you and your stuff. Don’t ditch the partner yet. Maybe work through your stuff first, then decide if you still want to ditch the partner; after all, you are destined to take you and your stuff into any new relationship and repeat the same old, same old. It will just look a little differently with that new partner. Get it?Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics |

You are not weaker and less robust than others. It is a lie.The behaviours are all about managing emotions, in response to issues in the past - still operating the same way in the present. Once repeat behaviours set in, you are on the hamster wheel and it is difficult to get off. What’s all this got to do with a 6 years old whose Action man or Barbie doll was stolen by the boy down the road or even about someone borrowing your tooth brush but not putting it back and you get so very (OTT) angry when someone don’t put your stuff back after borrowing them? The adult can learn so much about how they are now doing life, by re-visiting the childhood development years.You need to get off the present hamster wheel of negative repetitive behaviours and then create another hamster wheel; but this time, a hamster wheel set up with new positive behaviours, which you repeat over time and not re-open the old negative hamster wheel. That is what The Kairos Centre Recovery Programme is about; creating new hamster wheels; new habits; us Therapists prefer to call - new  neural pathways.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics | Reputation Management | Building Trust | Communication in Relationships | Trustworthiness | Integrity in Relationships | Maintaining Positive Image | Personal Branding | Trust Building Strategies | Honesty in Relationships | Transparency in Communication | Authenticity in Relationships | Obsessive Love |

Seriously!!The highest download of porn during the day is between the hours of 9am and 5pm. (Let me spell it out -- OFFICE HOURS!)“That’s crazy!” Not so crazy for some. The brain has decided that the “Feeling-state” that it gets from the behaviour ie the lushness, is worth the massively high risk and trade-off. As human-beings, we tend to push the boundaries too far and a hand grenade explodes, leaving us fire-fighting and picking up shrapnel. What massive risks? The Feeling-state that was set up many years before, is ruling the day. It thinks the risk is worth-while. But remember, by then, the frontal lobe part of the brain that makes logical decisions, is off-line. The major decisions are being taken from the Limbic brain (the emotional feeling brain).Compulsions and addictions do need help. They are mental health conditions. Call it what you want - "Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder - CSBD" (from the World Health Organisation in 2019); or the colloquial names of "Sex Addiction" or "Porn Addiction"; does not matter much to those caught up in its tentacles; except that it is treatment that should be available in the UK under private  medical insurance cover and the NHS.Us Sex, Porn, Love Addiction specialists are just getting on and helping people and one day, definitions, categorisation and treatment regimes will catch up.  Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics |

More about this thing called “Love Addiction”. What is it? What it is not.“Push you Pull me” is at work. “I want you, I love you…..but you're getting too close; you might finish with me, so I am getting jittery and so I am going to push you away, so I force us to end, so you don’t finish with me when I was not expecting it; that must never happen and catch me off guard”.Here is my definition of Sex Addiction which I use: "A pattern of sexual behaviours which pre-occupy your thoughts and are out of control. You cannot stay stopped for a sustainable period or consistently and it has harmful consequences and the behaviour serves a function in your life and it is used primarily to anaesthetize some negative feeling state. (The important criterion, which makes it an addiction, rather than a love of sex, is that, it serves a function). Why not interact with me about these Podcasts. I don't know if you are getting benefit or not. Motivate me to keep going. Go on. Text/WhatsApp +447866097247; Email: info@kairos-centre.comPresented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics | Reputation Management | Building Trust | Communication in Relationships | Trustworthiness | Integrity in Relationships | Maintaining Positive Image | Personal Branding | Trust Building Strategies |

Defining the difference between Sex addiction & Love addiction:Love addiction is all about trying to getting attention and a sense of feeling wanted, even if the attention is being paid for – since any attention is better than no attention. It has its roots in childhood development causing Insecure Attachment; a sense of rejection and loss – due to a disruption in the early years bonding with key parental figures.So, there is a searching out, using such activities as dating sites, chat sites, web cam interaction and other methods of interacting with others, to give a temporary sense of being wanted; that may lead to a sense of feeling love and affection. You never fill that void for very long. You leak and keep searching to fill the leak. That might mean giving sex away to get the affection and sense of being wanted, but after the sex, may come rejection again and therefore repeat hurt for a season; eventually getting up and doing it again.Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Relationships and Reputation | Social Dynamics | Reputation Management | Building Trust | Communication in Relationships | Trustworthiness | Integrity in Relationships | Maintaining Positive Image | Personal Branding | Trust Building Strategies | Honesty in Relationships | Transparency in Communication | Authenticity in Relationships | Relationship Boundaries | Love Addiction | Relationship Dependency | Obsessive Love | Romance Addiction | Co-Dependency | Unhealthy Attachments | Fear of Abandonment | Need for External Validation | Relationship Patterns | Codependent Relationships | Intense Emotional Dependency | Compulsive Relationship Seeking | Attachment Insecurity | Fear of Rejection | Self-Worth Issues |

Enough now - of this science stuff! Ok then, this is the last one - for now.Delayed childbearing and fewer pregnancies raise the risk of developing breast cancer in women. We are seeing 100% increase in the rates of breast cancer right now. Much more than in the past. Why?A female who has her first child by age 20, has half the chance of developing breast cancer, as opposed to a woman who has her first child at around age 30. At the end of 2020, breast cancer became the number one cancer diagnosis - overtaking lung cancer.  Only 1% of those who contract breast cancer are males. Women with 10 or more lifetime sexual partners have a 91% higher risk of developing breast cancer. (Males also have a higher risk of contracting cancer if they have multiple sexual partners, but their higher risk is only half that of the women's figure of 91%). Research suggests that 78% of woman regret hook-ups. They are more depressed afterwards; have lower self-esteem and higher general distress. Many wanted to end the relationship. Hormonal birth control can make a woman attracted to a genetically unsuited man. Then coming off the hormonal birth control may affect her attraction towards that hook-up partner. She sees him through a different lens; more of a friend or close relative!Very credible research has shown that hormonal birth controls have a 100% increased likelihood of increasing depression levels in females; particularly those aged 15 to 19. (The sample size was over 1 million Danish woman who had been followed up for over 15 years). That is a very big and very credible study.  Bring all those influences together -  increased depression, raised blood clots and cancer risks, hormonal birth control adversely impacting females sex drive - we see a problem out there at work and not even recognised.(All credit to Joe Malone PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT, The Sexual Integrity Scientist, https://www.drjoemalone.com/, Author: Battles of the Sexes, Founder: Sex IQ, https://www.sexiq.org/)Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Self-Soothing Behaviors |

Let's focus on women - in this Episode: What females need to know about themselves: Early sexual arousal rate will influence later addiction to porn. Females are more vulnerable to succumbing to sex addiction where they experienced frequent sexual arousal at an early age.Alcohol consumption raises both sexes testosterone levels up to a point; but testosterone levels increase much more in females, with alcohol consumption. Females can then do out of character behaviours and become a very different person when they have consumed alcohol.If females are not on birth control or near their ovulatory window (eg day 8 to day 14) and they have consumed alcohol, they could have the same testosterone level as a male. Even if she is not consuming alcohol during that ovulating window, she will still have a much higher sex drive than other females, during that ovulatory window. So, be aware of the impact of consuming alcohol during that period! Behaviour (sexually) may be very different. That may include dressing more provocatively or more flirtatious; yet, at the same time, be less self-aware. Females are much more vulnerable. Not a great combination!Female anatomy makes them more vulnerable to STIs. The vagina has a thinner layer of skin; is moister and warmer for harbouring bacterial growth and yeast infection. STIs are often asymptomatic. Females may then experience such conditions as pelvic inflammatory disease or endometriosis; which can eventually lead to infertility.  On average, females have eight times higher HIV risk and four times higher Gonorrhoea risk. That risk significantly increases with anal sex. HIV risk goes up 17 times with anal sex. If they begin their menstruation early, it increases their risk of uterine cancer. Early promiscuity leads to increased risk of vaginal and cervical cancer. Non-breast feeding increases the risk of developing ovarian and uterine cancer. Therefore, we observe that sexual activity in younger years, affects sexual health. (All credit to Joe Malone PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT, The Sexual Integrity Scientist, https://www.drjoemalone.com/, Author: Battles of the Sexes, Founder: Sex IQ, https://www.sexiq.org/)Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry |

Got to admit, this science stuff is interesting - if it is true!There are three areas in the male brain that is over twice the size of the female brain:1) The area that contributes to men having a roving eye and scanning the terrain for females; 2) A part of the hypothalamus (which is the seat of human sexuality); 3) The amygdala (which is the brain’s command and control area). All three react to testosterone - which is much higher in males than in females. There is a process which binds all these sex hormones together. Woman have 13 times more of that bonding hormone than men. That creates a high mismatch concerning sex drive processes between males and females. Males tend to over perceive a woman's sexual interest, when in fact she is just being nice. Males are more likely to interpret such signals/activities as sexual interest. Females tend to under perceive men's sexual interest. When males become aroused, they change (in an ethical way) as to (negative) things they would not usually do. When aroused, they do things that normally they would not do when unaroused. Males can be a wholly different person aroused to when unaroused.The neurochemicals in a male's semen affects a woman psychologically, in a positive way. The endorphins, serotonin, prolactin and FSH are beneficial for bonding if the female is in a relationship where she wants to bond for long term partnership/marriage and maybe a later pregnancy. The problem is that this process is still at work in relationships that are transient - even when bonding is not a desire!(All credit to Joe Malone PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT, The Sexual Integrity Scientist, https://www.drjoemalone.com/, Author: Battles of the Sexes, Founder: Sex IQ, https://www.sexiq.org/)Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy |

A lot of compact info in this episode. I think my post bag is going to be very full this week with comments about.......!Remember, don't shoot the messenger.Men see promiscuity in a female as a deal breaker when seeking a life-long partner. If a man sees a woman as hard to get for sex, he will instinctively feel that she will more likely be faithful in the long term for partnership/marriage. For males, sexual loyalty and sexual integrity is the most praised and sought after asset and quality in a woman when considering a long term partnership/marriage. This may seem  - not very “modern” - but when females are seeking a partner for potential life-long partnership, with whom to have children, she seeks out someone who is likely to be reliable; to be there when she is pregnant – during a vulnerable time in her life whilst carrying the baby; to ensure survival when her body is taking the toll of the pregnancy. (That cave man/ cave woman instinct can't be entirely re-shaped because of a 21st century preferred way of doing life).Paternity certainty is vitally important to a male! A man wants to know that the baby she is carrying belongs to him. (Ultimately, only the woman will carry that knowledge). Men value women who can be trusted in that regards.Therefore, early on in the relationship, men separate women into two categories:1) Easy to get – sexually; or 2) Not easy.The “Not easy” choices become possible long term partner potentials. The “easy sexually” are for hookup and not long term partner potentials.A woman needs dopamine and oxytocin for bonding. It is interesting that after intercourse, a woman's evaluation of the man tends to go up. So, females will more frequently be bonding during the hook-up, but quite the contrary for males. In males, within 10 seconds of orgasm/ejaculation, his evaluation of her may be going down. There is a conflict between males and females during that hook-up situation. It is not a level playing field. Women's bonding is going up and men's bonding is going down. (All credit to Joe Malone PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT, The Sexual Integrity Scientist, https://www.drjoemalone.com/, Author: Battles of the Sexes, Founder: Sex IQ, https://www.sexiq.org/)Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comGary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors |

In all your getting, get understanding. What you can better understand, you have then moved it from the unconscious into the conscious. From the unseen, into the seen. Now you get a chance to go after it and effect change. It can never be the same again, because you know what you are doing! Get it?Remember, don't shoot the messenger.Sitting comfortably? Braced? Here we go then:Research in 2006 show that the younger the age that a females experiences arousal, the greater will be the number of casual sex partners she will have. She will have a higher promiscuity rate and an increased openness to more and all sexual things. Therefore, she is more likely to become caught up in porn addiction at a younger age than if the younger age exposure had not happened. They will more likely go against their sexual nature more frequently. She increasingly goes against her natural sexual nature, because of the early arousal experience. Hence the reason why in the future there is likely to be an increase in the number of females addicted to pornography, than in the past or currently.Men need Vasopressin (which is a bonding chemical) before sex. It is what causes the bonding with a female. Therefore, sex without courtship, limits the production of Vasopressin and therefore reduces bonding for males. (All credit to Joe Malone PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT, The Sexual Integrity Scientist, https://www.drjoemalone.com/, Author: Battles of the Sexes, Founder: Sex IQ, https://www.sexiq.org/)Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment

Oh - yuk! Must we?Well - not preaching to you, but knowing the science done by some very clever people, will help you. Remember what this thing called Therapy is about - certainly Therapy from The Kairos Centre; all about moving as much from the unconscious, into the conscious - then you get a chance to go after what you can now better see and understand - in order to effect change. Get it!Here it go; and don't shoot the messenger please:At puberty, males Androgen levels (such as Testosterone) explode. Particularly between aged 13 To 15. It is 10 to 30 times more. Females Androgen levels only double. So, after puberty it is more difficult to reason with a male than with a female. In otherwards it is better to try reasoning with the female than the male, as the female is likely to be more receptive because of her reduced levels of Androgens - such as Testosterone. Testosterone is a sex seeking hormone. Age 17 is the period of maximum testosterone. Therefore, around that age six times the number of males become addicted to porn than young females........(All credit to Joe Malone PhD, CFE, LWMC, CPT, The Sexual Integrity Scientist, https://www.drjoemalone.com/, Author: Battles of the Sexes, Founder: Sex IQ, https://www.sexiq.org/)Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Parental Influence | Family Dynamics |

You need to keep your guards up. The stuff (which is now in your past), will keep trying to trip you up. You need to apply effort in order to maintain the hard earned and carved out gains; but gains there are; very tangible; very real.You did it. Not a programme. You did it. I could lead the horse to water, but as a facilitator, I could not make it drink. (By the way, I wasn't calling you a horse)! When you drink; when you drank; you made incremental steps toward your best life, without sex, porn, love addiction. Let's celebrate together. I am your greatest cheerleader.No photos please, of me wearing my ra ra skirt running around the field cheering you on. That photo won't look good on Facebook. Save my blushes - please.Have these podcasts been helpful to you or not? I have only ever had one feedback. (Let me look into the systems to get your regulate feedback), but for now, are you willing to take time out of your active day to send me a message with a thumbs up or down? Maybe say something else about the usefulness. Text, WhatsApp, email or other; you choose, but do say something to me if I am to go on to a next new Series. Contact details in our Linktree at the bottom of description!Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment |

One such tool - is your Support Structure of people that you can call upon when triggered and the going is tough on a particular day - to get you through that day. Who is in your Inner circle of three close support contacts?Don't go it alone. Don't be an island; "Shame" loves that and rubs its hands with glee - "Got ya".Talk to the three. Tell them your needs. Get agreement to be there for you day and (night!). You will reciprocate in the future. Test the friendship and use it.Then set about carving out one or two others from your Middle circle (who know nothing about the addiction) that you are lining up to replenish the Inner circle of three;  in case one of the three can no longer fulfil that role. Fish and hunt for Middle circle friends from your existing social haunts, like the gym buddies, sports buddies, hobbies, clubs, church etc - places that you frequent on a weekly basis. Be "purposeful & intentional" as you invest over time, to develop closer relationships with one or two middle circle acquaintances that eventually can be moved into the Inner circle. Got it?The same then applies to the Outer circle infrequent acquaintances that you get ready to move into the Middle circle over time. Remember, no quick fixes; but it moves you out of the unhealthy associates that pull you back into the addiction. This is longer term work. Want some help?Presented by The Kairos Centre - Bringing colour back to life - without shame. Get the help you need: bit.ly/pornaddictionhelpThe Kairos Centre created one of the world's first comprehensive Online Webinar Sex, Porn, Love Addiction video-on-demand Recovery Programme; where you discover the real, authentic you. Please visit our website to learn more about this course and our services at www.kairos-centre.com or email info@kairos-centre.comNow launched: A Video-on-Demand Online Course (for Singles, Couples/Marrieds/Partners) Access here - https://www.kairos-centre.com/changement-on-demand/Gary McFarlane (BA, LLM, Dip, Certs) is a Relate trained and experienced Relationship counsellor, Mediator and undertakes Sex Therapy & Sex Addiction treatment. He is also a member of the National Counselling Society, the Association for the Treatment of Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity (ATSAC), stopSO, and an Accredited member of the Assoc of Christian Counsellors. He also practices EMDR (Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing) as an Accredited EMDR Practitioner, working with clients globally via secure webcam.Support Our Show Linktree - https://linktr.ee/garymcfarlaneEpisode Keywords: Sex Addiction | Porn Addiction | Love Addiction | Root Causes | Brain Impact | Self-Soothing Behaviors | Family Conflict | Emotional Neglect | Peer Pressure | Performance Pressure | Separation | Divorce | Fear | Anxiety | Stress | Pain | Dissociation| Recovery Program | EMDR Therapy | Emotional Event | Trauma Healing | Neuroplasticity | Online Therapy | Sex Addiction Recovery Program | Compulsive Behaviors | Intimacy Issues | Sexual Dysfunction | Obsessive Thoughts | Guilt | Infidelity | Traumatic Bonding | Objectification | Hypersexualization | Pornography Industry | Love Addiction Patterns | Attachment Styles | Sexual Compulsivity | Behavioral Therapy | Relapse Prevention | Emotional Regulation | Healing Journeys | Intimacy Building | Healthy Relationships | Empowerment | Childhood Development | Relapse Prevention |