Rejecting diets in a body that doesn’t feel acceptable is exponentially hard. How do you access the world, find clothes that fit AND reject diets? We hope this episode featuring Nic McDermid gives you the compassion you deserve and the fuel you crave.
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You have been a big part of my life for more than 50 years, comforting me in pain , sharing life successes with me . I grew to love and hate you as a child and adolescent, and my struggles with restricting you have continued throughout my life. I have tried to control you to have a smaller body and yet it has never been maintainable as I have always eaten more of you to end up at a higher weight and larger clothing size. The last 2-3 years the up and down body size roller coaster we have been on has slowed down and this body that I have now has been more or less the same size , but I am not happy with it and still long to walk into a clothing store and find a variety of clothes that fit me.
Instead I hate shopping and always end up eating more of you or comfort versions of you to stop the pain and shame I feel not being able to find clothes that fit. It doesn’t help to live in Spain as I find larger sized clothing is even harder to find. I have gained and lost the same number of lbs over and over but always come back to this weight, and body size, and I still deal with choices of you daily . I must eat too much of you which I think contributes to my maintaining this larger body and yet the portions of you and the exercise I do should add up to having a smaller body.
This year I found the intuitive eating book and am working through the workbook. I am also finding more and more health at any size websites and support groups. I am learning to stop eating when I am full and I am not binging anymore for years now, and I exercise regularly . For my 61 years I am in pretty good shape but I just struggle with finding clothes I feel comfortable in and wish for a smaller sized body , and not the hard to find size that I wear now.
I also feel that the aches and pains I have daily with this body would be less with a smaller body and I would have more energy, and my doctors have told me repeatedly to drop weight every time I go to an appointment . I am having knee replacement surgery soon and this body size concerns me.
Anyway Food, I seem to be stuck here and not sure how to work with you so I can lower my body size, I don’t have visions anymore of being a super model or an unrealistic size. I just want to be able to buy clothes easier and feel better in what I wear, and have a healthier body image.
I am not obsessed with your details and watching your calories anymore or tracking you as I have been for years but instead trying to eat just enough of you, enjoying your taste and not restricting myself . I know I need you to give me nutrients and keep me alive, so this relationship is lifelong,
I would just like to find a balance with you and this larger body I have.
Still Dreaming to be Smaller
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